sleeping to dream

Spiders, sharks, motor accidents, and losing people I love. Some things I am afraid of. But now I have this annoying habit that seems impossible to get rid of, and I can only worry more if it gets worse...

When I was in Europe for 9 months in 2004, traveling through 15 countries and 160 cities (so imagine how many hostels I've slept in). I developed a sleeping habit of waking up abruptly, kind of scared, took a minute to realize which country I was in and why I was there. I'd wake up and think "where am I?" A minute is a long time to think which country I'm in! I was completely clueless. That habit eventually faded when I went back to America.

The past few months that habit is creeping back again, but more fearful and almost violent. I'd wake up with a big kick (as if I was falling in my dream) in the middle of the night and I would be really really scared. I'll look around my room and still be confused on where I was. I'd think "Am I in India?" Then slowly I would remember that I am in my house, Hanoi, Vietnam. Lately, I'd wake up and think I'm in Los Angeles, that I was sleeping in my old apartment, and this was all a dream. Everything...Nepal, India, Vietnam...the past 1.5 year was all a dream. I was dreaming the best dream I ever had and it never actually happened, I'm in reality. I told my brother this problem via skype and he said "Mei, if this is a dream, then I would be dreaming too."

It's a realization that I am living my dream and I fully understand now how important this trip means to me. How precious time is. I'm going to be 28 years old. How long can I keep this dream going for?