High Fidelity

(disclaimer: this has nothing to do with volunteering) I saw the movie ages ago and I didn't GET it. I knew it was a guy movie, had guy issues, with guy jokes, which is probably why I didn't understand at the age of 18 maybe. But now I am reading the book and I GET it. It makes me feel so happy that I'm a woman and not a man, and I feel sorry for you guys! I'm so sorry!

I decided to make an ode of this post for the BOOK, High Fidelity. I had encountered a little squabble (I have no idea how I got that word) a couple nights ago and it made me think that I shouldn't entirely bag on men but also on my fellow female race. One night, I had dinner at a small restaurant that consisted only 5 tables, fitting 2 people in each. I sat in the very back and was facing the wall and reading my book, High Fidelity. Anyhow, an Indian couple walks in and decide where to sit, the man immediately sat next to my table, facing me diagonally, the woman snapped something in Hindi, and the man gets up from the chair, then moves to the chair across of him and was sitting next to me and facing the same direction. I resume reading and in my peripheral vision I could see the man's head turn to face me, I don't look. I could tell by the sounds of the woman that she was frustrated with something, I pretend I don't know what's going on. A few times I could still see him turn his head to me and then the woman abruptly said something that translates into the English word 'enough,' (I know Hindi!). In my head I thought 'Dude, you better turn away before she kills you, turn away! Turn away you Idiot!'

She started to mutter something and then got louder and louder, the dude just sat there and was taking every bit of word. I couldn't help but look because it was amusing, and how could I not look! I looked at her first so she knew that I didn't care about him at ALL!! We looked at each other and she had a normal blank stare, we both glanced at him, and he was staring at me, the woman and I looked back at each other and she had the worst Stink-Eye look I have ever seen. She grabbed her cup of water and threw it in his face, who was still looking at me. She looked at me again with frustration and grabbed for his cup of water, she attempted to throw it at my face but the guy pushed her arm and the water flew onto the empty chair across of me. All 3 of us stared at the water dripping from the table. I remained in my seat, calm, not upset or annoyed, but calm. I stood up so I could address the issue that I was there minding my own business and should not be bothered at all - the woman looked like she wanted to punch me in the face - that was BEFORE I stood up from my chair. I stood up and was clearly bigger (even though I'm skinny) and taller than her...and him. She gasped before I could say anything and she turned and stormed out of the restaurant. The man said he was sorry and ran after her. I looked around the tiny restaurant and no one was there to see this! What the hell just happened?!

This is what happened...the guy was being a boy, a stupid boy to look at a girl with his woman in front of him. The woman was being a woman; jealous, dramatic, whiny, throw-her-drink-at-another-person-because-that's-all-she-can-do-to-make-herself-feel-better- type of girl. It's interesting how basic we can be. From reading this book, I've been able to 'read' guys just by looking at them, I never tried because I never cared, it's so simple! I can flag guys down the street and announce their flaws towards women:

Hey you! - a muscle guy wearing a muscle shirt - You have a small wiener!

And you! - a nerdy guy with highlights in his hair - I bet you still don't know where IT is.

Ah Hah! You! - a skinny guy wearing hippie clothes, with brand new short dreads and a hemp headband- YOU...POSER! Stop telling women that you've always been a hippie and was a hippie before it became hip. I feel good...saying those in my head.

Okay now, I will start bagging on the female gender. I was buying momos as a snack and I was waiting by the food stall for it to be ready. This American white girl came next to me and waited to buy some too...her voice was so annoying. Everything she said sounded like a question; I would like to have 3 momos please?? I want the vegetable kind?? and no hot sauce?? it's too hot for me?? hee?? hee?? Jesus, I had to look at her, fucking shit...she LOOKED more annoying than she SOUNDED. She was wearing suspenders, suspenders! SUSPENDERS! With skinny jeans and a belt! I even catch a glimpse of one of her 'flares' - a freaking flare - it said 'ROCKSTAR.' This girl deserves a kick in the ass. I bet this girl is from Salt Lake City, Utah. Studying graphic design because it's 'cool' now, loves The Doors when I know she was probably born in 1990, and traveling here because she wants to 'find herself.' The momo Lady asked Suspenders "Where are you from?" Suspenders replied "Ohio, USA??" Close enough.

So if, I said my thoughts out loud; there is a possibility she could be a witty keen girl herself and reply back to me "Why are you wearing that skinny scarf then???? It's quite warm, you don't even need it!???"
"Au Contrare honey, it is warm and my hair gets frizzy! When I put it in a ponytail, I use the scarf as a headband to keep my fly-aways from sticking up! I hate using the plastic headbands because they're too tight. It's a personal-comfortable issue, not trying to be TRENDY! Big difference Suspenders!" And then there, I would stick my fingers underneath one of her suspenders and whip it back onto her shoulder, a flick. That would be the finisher.