Your soul mate can be your best friend

I'm lucky. So is Stephaney. (yeah yeah, same name) We've known each other for 20 years. We went to different high schools, different colleges, different countries, yet...our friendship is still strong. This is what I needed, all of my travels were with people I met, but I never spent it with someone I knew well and cared for.

I met up with her in Saigon (South Vietnam). I emailed her to meet me at the hotel I picked. I knew she would arrive around 11pm, I was an excited little puppy and couldn't wait in the room, I had to stand outside of the hotel to wait for her. Numerous of taxis went by and I saw a taxi pull over near me but I saw within the tinted windows there was a group inside the car...Stephaney can't be in that car I thought, but who do I see come out? Stephaney looking confused. It's HER!

First day in Saigon, we went to the history museum, reunification palace, and met up with my friend Margie whom is a volunteer that I always wanted to meet. That night we went on a night bus to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. On the bus Stephaney was whining about her Vietnam visa, she said she made a mistake by getting a single entry on her visa, so...that means she had to get a new visa after we're done with Cambodia, back to Vietnam. Sooooo...that means she only used 1 day on her visa...I couldn't help but chuckle (hence my bad luck with visas). In the morning we reached Chau Doc and from there we took a speed boat along the Mekong River (I think we slept the whole way). Arrived in Phnom Penh in the afternoon and looked for a cheap room to sleep in. We visited the national museum and per my request we went to the Killing Fields. I had to know more about the history of Cambodia. I learned a lot and I also felt a 'fullfillment' when I visited it. This is the 2nd time being in Cambodia for me and it was special. I was happy to be back and sharing this experience with someone I loved. Stephaney got to see my happiness being in Cambodia.

Took a day trip to Sihanoukville, 5 hours away from Phnom Penh, we got there in the afternoon and went straight to Serendipity beach, we got bombarded by sellers of bracelets, keychains, crab, fruit, necklaces, and threaders. Stephaney got her bottom legs threaded (hair pulled off (don't kill me Stephaney for mentioning this)) and I got 2 free bracelets from little girls. I think Stephaney and I took 50 improv photos of us jumping in the air catching the timer on her camera. I was surprised how tired we were after the 30th shot. Later in the evening caught a sleeper bus back to Phnom Penh, Steph's first time on a sleeper bus!

Sihanoukville, Cambodia

Next day was a bus to Siem Reap (my favorite place in the WORLD). When we got into our hotel we arranged a horse-back ride around the village. That was fun cause it was Steph's first time on a real horse, I liked mine because she was wild and crazy and tried bucking me off whenever we trotted, her name was Madonna. Temple day was great, the weather wasn't too bad. Last time I was in Siem Reap 3 years ago it was HOT. Thankfully it was cloudy. Stephaney said Angkor Wat was amazing, and I said "Yeah, it's OLD," touching one of the ruins with my finger. We had great posed photos around the ruins (America's Next Top Model Style). We also donated blood at the Jayavarman Children's Hospital, I donated blood there 3 years ago and had to do it again, I convinced Stephaney that it was safe and she did it with me. She isn't evil after all.

Ta Phrom temple, Cambodia

Arguement #1: On our way out of Angkhor Wat, Stephaney stopped by a stall that sold paintings. She asked how much a 30x10 painting was and the girl thought for a while and said "Thirty-hundred thousand dong," I knew she meant 300,000D ($15), so I corrected her English and said "You mean...three hundred thousand." Stephaney yelled at me "STEPHANIE!" and giving me a look to shut the fuck up, as if I was telling the woman we did want to buy it for 300,000D. I yelled back at Stephaney "I'm CORRECTING her English!" Stephaney tried to get away with 30,000D ($1.50), but either way if she did get it for 30,000D I would feel bad and be honest and say that we can't rip this girl off cause she's ignorant. I left cause Stephaney annoyed me and after 10 minutes I came back to the same painting stall and I see 10 locals surrounding her...what did Stephaney get herself into now?

Arguement #2: Stephaney was on holiday, she can spend whatever amount she wanted and had a good job back in Cali, so it didn't matter how much she spent. For me...I'm a total traveler-budget-on-a-shoe-string. We understood each others views but it was difficult to accept them. It was hard for her to bargain something that was $5 more than it should be, because it didn't matter to her, and it was hard for me to accept a $350 plane ticket from Siem Reap to Danang, Vietnam. I know Stephaney had a tight schedule and didn't want to waste time traveling for 2 days when we can get there in 2 hours. I was upset cause I didn't want her to spend that much money and also to pay for me, cause I would feel so guilty. She was annoyed because I should have been more appreciative that she would pay for me. We both had to adjust and we ended up meeting in the middle. We took a night bus to Saigon (slept on chairs that didn't recline in the BACK seat of the bus) and take a flight from Saigon to Danang. She saved about $600 and we got to Hoi An, Vietnam the same day. We were both happy with the outcome.

Arrived in Danang and took a taxi to Hoi An, Vietnam. We both loved it! It was a charming, cute, old town. Also Stephaney found a sweet hotel for $25 that had a pool, a bath tub (I haven't had a bath in over a year), with robes, and a balcony. I told her I felt like Cinderella, a poor girl that hasn't had any luxuries. She then looked in the closet and gasped, I said "Are there robes in there?" she responded "Yes, so now we can feel like REAL princesses!" AND we had a mosquito net around our huge bed with a mattress that was at least 7 inches thick! It was the softest bed I slept in so long.

Hoi An, Vietnam

We shopped and shopped, took a couple bicycles and rode to the nearest beach and relaxed. After we rode our bikes around the town, almost crashed into 3 motorcyclists, ate, drank, and explored. That night we reminisced about everything: unforgettable embarassing stories and funny moments. Next morning we woke up at 3:30am to catch out 4:45 am train from Danang to Hanoi, Vietnam (Stephaney was flying out of). Duration was 15 hours. Stephaney slept most of the way and I didn't, I always had a hard time sleeping on buses and trains.

Yes, I made a u-turn and Stephaney waited to take the perfect shot while I gaze.

I almost LOST MY BEST FRIEND. Seriously. All the bathrooms on the train were padlocked. So we had to get off the train and use the station bathrooms. Stephaney missed the last stop and waited for the next. We stopped at Vinh and she got off first to use the bathroom while I watched our belongings in the cabin. An old man came into our cabin and his berth was on top, he sat down and we had a weak Vietnamese conversation. At that moment I felt the train move, I looked out the window, and we were moving. The train was leaving the station! I freaked out and ran to the exit door and told the lady conductor that my friend got off to use the bathroom and wasn't back. We were in coach 12 and I ran through the hallways, pushed people out of my way to Coach 5 (the conductor wouldn't let me continue on) to see if Stephaney might have hopped on from the back of the train. I saw no black girl. I moped back to my cabin and the conductor asked if I saw her, I said no and sat down on the berth and conjured up ways how Stephaney could survive: She had her purse on her so she had money, she had a Vietnamese phrase book so she knew how to get around, she had my cell number to tell me she was okay. Another conductor walked by our cabin and the lady conductor told him what happened, he looked unconcerned and looked to his right, and pointed. The lady conductor screamed in delight and Stephaney walked in. Turns out that while Stephaney was passing by the train to the station, people were yelling at her to get back on the train because it was moving. Apparently she managed to get on the last coach of the train while it was moving, picked one of the locked doors and used the bathroom in one of the coaches that I might have passed by when looking for her.

Later on a boy came into our cabin and had the other top berth. His English was good and was translating between us and the old man. The old man told the boy something and the boy laughed. The boy said "He says that you both lost each other, but he could see the bond between your friendship because she was so scared, like an older sister." We were all laughing.

There was one special moment on the train before losing her: We passed by a rain storm, I could barely see outside of the window, and I could make out the mountains, valleys, and rivers. Stephaney was sleeping across of me, she was dead asleep. I crouched with my knees up to my chest and gazed out the window. Even though I couldn't completely see outside I knew it was still beautiful out there. I was thinking: When will I ever see her again? When will I share this experience with someone? Why would I go back to the States when I can have this adventure over and over? Why would I leave a country this beautiful? When will this be over? It was a good train journey.

Stephaney officially admitted that she likes Hanoi, better than Saigon, HA! Best way to explain the difference between Hanoi and Saigon, is San Francisco, CA (Hanoi) and Los Angeles, CA (Saigon). I'll always love L.A., but I love Hanoi. The past 2 weeks went by so fast. We didn't waste any time at all and made sure we did everything we could. I told her that I haven't drank beer and ate so much food in a long time. AND, she conformed me to buy a $5 fake Louis Vuitton wallet and to ride on a cyclo in Hanoi. Couple of the things that I vowed myself to never buy or do.

This has been the best trip I had by far and I have never laughed so much in a long time. Bon temps. I'm very thankful for Stephaney as a friend and her visiting me. I'm sure in the future we will share our stories about this trip and all the funny random moments.

Looking back, now, and forward

I went through my photos on flickr. I started to think of the things I've done in the past 15 months. I miss home...but where is home? I use to consider Nepal being home because it was so easy to fall in the Nepali lifestyle. In Ladakh, I had a nice room in a perfect location, with big windows where I could sit and watch people walk by, that I considered home. Hanoi is great to me so far and it's my home now, for the time being.

It seemed that I have left my mark in each place I've been to. I want to go back and visit the people that I have bonded and shared tea with. I want to go back to Nepal, visit the boys and monks, and see how tall they've grown. I want to go back to Ladakh and see if the classroom murals I painted had faded. I want to go back to McLeod Ganj, India, just to be in McLeod Ganj, I want to feel what I felt the first day I arrived there...butterflies.

McLeod Ganj.

I think I have accomplished what I dreamt of -for so many years- already. Being a wanderer is cool. I can easily pick up my backpack without saying Goodbye and go to a new country tomorrow if I wanted to. Knowing that I have that freedom makes me happy. I love change so much that I can't think what I will do next month.

I really encourage my readers (or whoever actually reads my entries) to be inspired by my experiences. Like, who do you know that has seen the Dalai Lama 5 times...driving or walking by you randomly? That doesn't happen. Occasionally, I would get emails from random people saying they found my blog and have been reading for a few months, and then telling me that they bought a plane ticket to South America or India to volunteer! Can you imagine how that makes me feel? Even writing this post makes me emotional. I get emails from people asking me where to volunteer and how to find a good organization, and I'll write back with tons of references, advice, stories, and personal destination favorites. This is why I blog, to inspire and help other ordinary people like me to get up and go.

One thing I learned during my trip is that appreciation and my relationship with the people I met are essential, those are the reasons why I am still here and continuing for who knows how long. For example: If my students can't fully understand the use of modal verbs, it's okay...I don't feel that I failed in teaching them. I know that one day they will understand which modal verbs to use. Even so, because I had a close relationship with them, I still feel that we both learned something: was each other. They share their lives with me and I share my life with them. That bond will never leave my memories and I hope to meet more people that will leave a mark in my heart.

First impression of Laos wasn't what I expected

I like it when that happens. You have an idea before you jump into it and it's completely different...and gay. It was a very very fun week and I had a very entertaining host-ess. Guy (Somvang) or it's Somvang (Guy). I love you bitch.

Monday, June 14th I started the day early finishing the projects I had left to do in the office. For 6 hours my heart rate was uncontrollably high, to the point where I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. I've worked under pressure many times back in L.A. But I haven't had the feeling of stress in the past 15 months. So yeah, around 2pm I had to leave the office to go back home and pack, exchange money, eat, and pick up my bus ticket. The travel agency said they lost my ticket and there weren't any space left, not even sleepers. I stared at the girl and said "This is your fault you know that?" she nodded yes and apologized. She had my cell number and could have called me but didn't. So I continued to stare at her and said that she will find me a seat because my visa will expire the next day. She started making phone calls. Okay so, I'm not a nice person, I'm really not that nice. I can be a real bitch when needed. I sat there and watched her every move so she knew I was serious and that maybe, it wouldn't be a good idea if she had to say again that there were no seats left. Oh and guess what? She found an available seat. So that wasted 20 minutes of my lunch time.

Usually I carry my knife in my pocket whenever I travel. Always. I'm always the target on the bus for being a foreigner, but when I got on the bus, no one noticed me. Duh! I look like them! Anyways, I get on the bus and it was crowded. The guy next to me asked if he could have the window and I obliged. After a while I knew why he wanted the window. We picked up hitch-hikers along the way and sat tightly in the aisle. I felt sorry for them to endure 24 hours of sleep-sitting and I let one girl rest her head on my lap to catch some snooze.

Arrived in Vientiane, Laos on Tuesday 4pm. I called Guy and told him that I was in town and we planned where to meet. So when entering in a new country, sometimes you don't have a clue on how much things are suppose to cost. Such as tuk-tuks. I didn't know how far Nanphu (landmark fountain in the town center) was from the bus station that I was dropped off at. So I negotiated with a driver and he started out with 60,000 kip (8,000 kip to our $1). I said 10,000 kip. He laughed at my face and said 50,000 kip, I said 10,000 kip. He laughed at my face and said 40,000 kip, I walked away. I found another driver and he started with 30,000 kip, I said 10,000 kip. He gave me a sad face and said 20,000, I agreed. I got on the tuk-tuk and more people got on, I asked them what the price should be from where we were to Nanphu, the locals said no more than 10,000 kip, dammit! The driver dropped everyone off (they paid him 3,000 kip) and I was the last sitting in the tuk-tuk, after a couple turns it was Nanphu. So I decided to give him $1 and a 2,000 kip, which comes out to 10,000 kip. He stared at me and said 20,000 kip. I said "Yeah I know, but then my friends told me that it should be 10,000 kip, and I think that's what I should give you. Because I'm new to this country and you're taking advantage of my ignorance, and that's really not fair." I know this is mean, but I knew he didn't know any English. He smiled and tried to put his hand down my jean pocket to find my notes. I grabbed his hand away from me and said "What are you doing?" with a smile on face. I noticed from afar that a foreigner was going to come to my rescue, but stopped and watched the whole time incase things got heavy. The driver tried to do it again and I swept his hand away, I smiled and said "I'm not going to give you another 10,000, okay thank you, bye." The driver surrendered and went back in his tuk-tuk and drove off. I saw Guy and he introduced me to his couch surfer, Michale from Italy, the foreigner that tried to save me. Michale said he was watching the whole spat and said "You handled that very well, like a professional." Gee thanks!

We went back to Guy's mansion. So here's the deal: Guy is Laotian descent but from L.A. and teaching in a university for 3 years in Vientiane. We clicked. It was like being back in L.A. with the girls! We got to his house and the last season of Ugly Betty was in the DVD player, my eyes lit and we all knew it was t.v. time. We bonded for 4 hours watching Ugly Betty until it was time for us to sleep. I slept.

The next morning Michale left to travel throughout Laos. Guy and I went out for lunch and met with a couch surfing German couple. They were a good looking sweet couple and we all clicked. I told Guy that if he liked Ugly Betty, he would probably like Glee. I saw a few episodes when I had cable t.v. back at my old guesthouse and was in love with it. Anyways, I didn't have much time to plan where I wanted to go and realized that the places I wanted to visit were too remote. Plus it was HOT to take a motorbike. Vang Vieng was the closest, I knew Vang Vieng was a party town but I didn't want to make pre-judgements. I was at a bus station and it was taking forever. It would cost 50,000 kip for a 5-hour ride, plus waiting another 2 hours for it to depart. I met a family outside of the station that was going to Vang Vieng, they said I can ride in the back of their truck full of rice sacks and a canopy cover for 20,000 kip. So I jumped in the back and fell asleep the whole way. I think we got there in 3.5 hours. They had to make a turn and dropped me off 3 km from the Vang Vieng center and I walked the rest of the way.

I past through some villages but still...I think the whole area lost it's soul. It was way way too touristy for me. It was full of Aussie kids wearing board shorts with their cracks showing, carrying water tubes. I past by many sports bars that were playing Seinfeld and Friends and blasting 10 different songs at once, like they were trying to out song each other to get customers. It was still beautiful, the scenery was nice and I had a good cheap hotel room with a nice view. But I didn't come to Laos to party or to hear Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance," Ice Cube's "You can do it," and 50 cent's "Hey Shorty" playing at once all the way till 4am. I left the next morning back to Guy's house. I would rather watch Ugly Betty over and over than to stay in Vang Vieng for another night. BUT, I will say this...if I come back to Laos, and I do go back to Vang Vieng, I will be more prepared to do the outdoor activities, I love exploring: rock climbing, caving, and swimming. It's just not what I felt like doing at that time. I wanted to relax and be at peace.

Vang Vieng

I got to Guy's house and saw his car in the drive-way. I shouted his name and I heard "What the hell?" in a high pitched voice. He was happy to see me. The German couple was still there and what do I see on the t.v. screen? GLEE!!! They got the season 1 Glee and was having a marathon.

That night we went out. There was a soccer game, German against Siberia? I don't know, Guy and I weren't interested. We were the only ones sitting away from the t.v. blabbering about Ugly Betty and being 2 obnoxious Angelinos. We met an Aussie lesbian and a young Dutch boy that thinks he knows everything. We went to a bar that had a rock 'n roll band that was performing cover songs. At the bar...the Aussie lesbian asked if I was gay. I said no and I thought maybe it was because I was so bestie with Guy? The Aussie lesbian didn't talk to me much after that. I got into a real bitch-out (2 arguing bitches) with a gay Austrian dude, that was fun...I won. And Guy and I pretty much got kicked out of English pub because some guy really wanted to see the soccer game and we were in his view...we bitched him out to relax.

Later in the night, Guy has been trying to get into the Dutch boy's pants the whole time, but the Dutch boy was trying to get into mine! I threw out obvious signals that I wasn't interested and actually had to confront him that he wasn't gonna get any of this. We all slept in separate beds.

The next morning the German couple left to Vang Vieng and I woke up to see Guy over me with breakfast. I had 4 hours of sleep and had a small hangover. I ate the pineapple but couldn't eat the eggs with mushrooms and bacon, I so wanted to! Afterwards, we dropped off the Dutch boy somewhere...thank Goodness, and Guy and I got massages. After lunch we planned on what to do that day: Snack binge, Glee, and Cycle 14 of America's Next Top Model. Oh and picked up an couch surfer Aussie bicyclist.

After one more massage, singing Glee songs, snack binges, Glee again to educate the Aussie bicyclist, my week had to end. I missed Hanoi. So I got my new Vietnam visa and went on another 24-hour journey back. I'm going to enjoy this year very much.

Officially an Expat, no longer a Nomad

I've decided to stay in Hanoi, Vietnam for a YEAR. Before you even think, it's not for a guy, okay?! The thought came out of nowhere, I asked my boss from the organization if there was a way for me to stay long-term and bada bing bada boom, year contract. I'm happy and scared at the same time. I love change, but this is more like a commitment. I'm scared of commitments at the moment, but I'm always up for a challenge.

I'm so use to moving around after a few months, living out of my backpack, and now I'm going to live here. I'm already set up with an awesome house and a bicycle, and I just can't wait to be officially admitted to East Meets West organization.

I like Hanoi a lot. If I like a place and I'm able to get a visa without complications, then yeah...I'd love to work there for a year. For example: Nepal or Cambodia, if someone asked me to work for them for a year, to be paid that is livable, and the ability to get a visa whenever I want, why not? That's exactly what I'm doing. It's totally spontaneous and I love it. I like my friend circle, we're all so similar; artsy. They all come from different countries. Lots of them just came to visit and ended up staying for 5 years. Could that happen to me? (Don't be scared dad, it's just a thought). Some of them had told me to not leave them and that I should stay in Hanoi. I hear something like this all the time wherever I volunteer at, however it was never easy to do so. But since it's easy to get a visa by neighboring countries that is a 16 hour drive away and everything I need is right here, then it fits. It makes perfect sense for me to stay.

I'm going to be part-time with EMW but paid more and I'm planning on finding a teaching job part-time as well. I really think I'm going to enjoy this a lot and the funds will be enough for me to survive in the city. I love what I'm designing for EMW and I will be teaching English, 2 of the things I wanted to do during this trip. Yeah yeah, so I'm not teaching for free to unprivileged orphans in a village, but I'm still helping. I'm supporting the disabilities of Vietnam and teaching English to people who need it. Yes I admit that I'm also doing this for the money, I've been surviving on my savings (that I earned on my own) for the past year and 3 months, who has that kind of money to begin with? Plus, I want to stay in Asia still after my year contract is over...I'm going to need the funds then. This is the perfect time to have a paying job. I have enough experience to deserve this.

I'm glad that my parents are happy for me. My dad sent me a secret parcel to my office. He read one of my old blogs that said I was craving Spicy Nacho Doritos, so he sent me a box of junk food, all flamin' hot flavored, also one tank top, 3-pack teriyaki beef jerky, and a letter from my financial aid reminding me how much I owe (this was 'dropped' in the box by my Mom I know it).

I'm leaving next week to Laos to get another 3 month visa. I think I will stay there for a week to travel around, then I would have to go back to Hanoi to finish up a few projects.

That's it guys. I'm going to do this and I'm happy. VISIT ME!

Asian Tourist! And a few other things...

I finally did something touristy, I wore a hat, had a Nikon SLR camera tied around my neck, and followed a man with a flag. I went to Halong Bay with a tour with a Thai family which seems to me that was a family reunion, and one other solo traveler from Korea. Halong Bay was beautiful, but getting there was tiring, I almost forgot how tiring it is to do a day trip. I miss going back to traveling mode.

My Vietnam visa is almost up, so I'm soaking in my last 2 weeks here. I got plenty of fun and work to finish. A little nervous on getting my design projects done by the 12th, but I think I can.

My mind is changing a lot. For a while I knew I was going to go to middle of Vietnam because I wanted to be back into the country side, no more cities for me! But now that I have a good circle here in Hanoi...I kind of don't want to leave it. I'm making new friends just about everyday, it would be so sad to leave. Ugh! I don't know what to do!

Oh, I'm feelin' boy crazy now, found a good one recently...gonna go with the flow.

Paul! I know you're reading this, come back for che poufias!

I am in Vietnam

It's 8:00 pm and I'm laying on my bed in my underwear like a pancake, under the fan on high. It's hot, humid, and sticky. But I'm not going to complain because this is the beginning of the hot/wet season and the weather will get worse, in all aspects. I finally get up because my eyes start to get sleepy and I should get something eat. I contemplate every night where to have dinner. I can afford to eat at street vendors but I'm really picky which one. I've eaten at many many pho (noodle soup) stalls and there is only one vendor I like. It's out of my way, I would have to walk through a sea of tourists and mingling locals in the busy part of the Old Quarters. But I decide that I really want to eat pho.

I put on my shorts, tanktop, grab my bag and room key, and I set off. I step 4 flights down the building and walk through a 30ft long dark narrow hallway, and the only thing that lights up the hallway is the outside street lights. I pass by a kitchen of a household and I smell home-made cooking - garlic and cooked pork - I think of my mom. I pass by a tattoo shop and there I see the friends of the owners watching t.v., and smoking cigarettes. I reach outside and there are children playing badminton on the sidewalk. I take a right to get me to the main road. I passed by a fruit seller laying on his hammock that is tied between a street sign pole and a light pole, he is a sleep, I can easily take a pineapple without him noticing, but of course I don't.

I say chao (hello) to my usual xe-om drivers that chill out on that corner, lounging on their motorcycles waiting for customers. They always say hi to me, even when I'm across the street walking a different direction, they shout "Hi May!" I wave back and this probably makes their day. I take a left around the corner and I pass by a bakery that I go to almost every night to get a tiny cup of chilled caramel that costs 30 cents. But tonight I don't feel like having any. The bakery owner is sitting on the steps drinking tra dang (bitter ice tea), she sees that I'm coming and she gets up and walks to the back of the dessert display, I quickly tell her "khong, khong" (no, no) she realizes that I was just walking by and didn't want any caramel. When she sits back down on the steps, she says "Hen Gap Lai." For the longest time I had no idea what that meant, I always smiled and said bye. I've been taking Vietnamese classes and realized that she was saying "See you again." Then tonight, I said it back.

After the bakery I make a right, I have to pass by maybe 3 blocks until I make another turn. This street is full of hand-made decor, wooden furnitures, brass statues of buddha, straw baskets and tables. When I cross an intersection I constantly look left, right, left, right, so I don't get hit by moped. I look left, right, left, and then right, I take 2 steps a time, and still look left, and right. I let one moped go by and take 2 steps, let one go again, and when I thought I was in the clear; a moped sniped me from the left, my left hand hurts from the snipe, but I get over it and continue walking. I get to the end and I take a left, at the left corner there is a well-known bia hoi (cheap beer) stall, sitting in tiny plastic chairs for toddlers and chatting over plastic picnic tables are locals, drinking, smoking, and laughing. In another table are 2 foreigners eating cha gio (spring rolls), and the last table are 4 girls drinking tra dang, gossiping, and playing with their babies on their laps.

After that corner I make a quick right and I know I'm getting closer to the center...tourists in cyclos. Cyclos are kind of like rickshaws, but these aren't for convenient transportation purposes, they go really slow, and can only fit 1 person. The whole point of them are for lazy tourists to look around the old quarters instead of walking, so ridiculous. Anyways, on a Sunday night, there is an open flea market on one long steet. Packed of cheap trinkets like sunglasses, baby clothes, hair accessories, and purses. I'm a fast walker and I can't stand girls (usually 3 or 4) that lock on each others arms and walk slowly on the sides of the stalls. They block my path and I get annoyed. I go to one side and I say xin loi (sorry or excuse me). I go pass and I'm almost to my favorite pho vendor, 3 more blocks I think to myself. More dodging mopeds, more refusals to ride on a cyclo, and I turn into a dark street that is usually a fresh food market in the day. At night it's dark, secluded, wet, with scurring rats. I get to the pho vendor. The workers recognize me, they probably know me as 'the girl that looks Vietnamese but isn't', and that likes pho ga without green onion and mint. I sit down without ordering and my bowl of noodle soup with no green sets in front of me. I pick up wooden chopsticks from a tray and check if it has the same width from one end to the other, pick up a spoon, clean it with my fingers, and I dig in.

I am sweating now, the hot soup and the weather is not a good combination, but I still love it. I wipe my forehead after I am done, give the owner $1 and we both say Goodbye. I take a different route to get back home. More dodging mopeds, refusal for cyclos, and refusal for bootleg dvds, I see a bubble tea stall. It's really hot and I thought that maybe I should treat myself to an iced coconut drink with tapioca. I have my 80 cent drink in a to-go cup and I walk to the main round-about of the Old Quarters. It is packed. A lot of people coming from their walks around the Hoan Kiem lake or coming from the open market. Scattered, are local vendors selling boiled corn cobs, sliced pineapple and watermelon, carved coconuts with straws, sweet breaded buns, baguettes, and tiny plums, all sellers wearing cone-shaped strawed hats. I decide to walk on the street because the sidewalk had too many people. I felt a drop on my neck and I thought it was my sweat, then I realized that it was rain. One by one, a drop, drop, drop. Lightening strucked, the sky was clear today, and seeing the lightening above me was so cool, it was huge. I continue walking and glancing at the black sky hoping to see more lightening. Kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, thunder. I walk slower. More drops are falling and I notice some moped drivers stopping to put on their rain coats, people are running past by me, stores are hauling in their street signs inside, food vendors are covering their breads, and products by plastic tarps.

The rain is falling hard now, but I still stay on the street. The rain felt so good in the heat. I think I was in my own element. Everything felt so good, the rain dropping on my face, neck, shoulders, and chest, the air-con wind as I pass by an open door of a hipster clothing store or cell-phone shop. More and more people are frantically running past me to either get home, or under any overhead from being wet. Vietnamese shirt-less men are sitting on their haunches, or on tiny chairs drinking tra dang, smoking cigarettes, watch me as I walk by. I think they're wondering why I have this dreamy look on my face. Stores are closing; they pull down the metal sheath that crashes down to the bottom, and secure it with a padlock. A moped driver comes out of nowhere from a building with his wife on the back, she is holding her baby, she puts a hat over the baby's head, and she holds it tightly before they ride into the busy street. I wanted to do something drastic and cliche; I wanted to stand still, close my eyes, lift my head up, and exhale. My body felt like I was on drugs. I don't do what I want, but I wish I did. I continue walking and I see people under tarps afraid to walk into the rain. They look at me like I'm crazy, like Who is this person walking in the rain, not caring at all? That is exactly who I am. I pass by the corner that had the xe-om drivers and the sleepy fruit seller. The xe-om drivers are gone and the fruit seller was still sleeping on his hammock. I think he woke up from the rain, put a plastic tarp over his fruit and himself between the 2 poles, and went back to sleep, he looked so peaceful. I went through the long dark narrow hallway, the only thing lit are the doors to my guesthouse at the end, the tattoo shop is closed, I pass by the house-hold kitchen window and the mother and daughter are cleaning the dishes. I open the doors and I see one of the female workers watching t.v., she looks at me up and down...smiles and says "mua!" (rain). She did a hand gesture of falling rain and we were both giggling about my drenched hair and tank top.

I climb 4 flights of stairs to my room, turned on a low light, took a cold shower, and laid on my bed. I listen to the heavy rain hit the roofs of the houses below my window, I can see lightening blinking through my curtains, I finish my coconut drink, and I turn on my laptop. I begin to type. I am in Vietnam.

Love Story I

I wasn't ever going to blog about my personal relationships because I wanted that part to be private. I didn't want to display EVERYTHING to public. It was hard enough for me to even have a blog to begin with but I'm sticking to it. Anyways, I thought about it; this travel blog wouldn't be real if I didn't include my relationships, it's all part of my experience.

First off, I'm here for volunteering. It's my #1 priority and no guy is ever going to get in the way. I DO NOT want a serious relationship, I'm not looking for it. But, if I meet someone so amazing, and my feelings are uncontrollable, then that's a whole different love story, I'd go for it.

A tiny story before I begin my real story, last year in India, I was leaving Rishikesh on an hour bus ride to Haridwar to catch an overnight bus out of India to Nepal. I got to the bus stand and the public bus was already leaving, I ran after it and yelled for it to stop. I got on and walked to the back and there I found another sole traveler...a Portuguese. After 10 minutes of talking, instant attraction, I thought to myself hmm...maybe. One great hour of laughing and not wasting a minute had passed, we arrived in Haridwar, I had a couple hours to get to my bus and he had a few for his train to Delhi and Goa onwards. We had little time for tea and I had to leave. Honestly...there was chemistry, we both felt it (I know this because he told me). He kissed me on the cheek and we exchanged emails. Karma baby. If my Indian visa needn't to expire, I would've ran away with him to Goa after knowing him for one hour. See?? I can be romantic!

Ahem...as proof that my work is so important and not here for bootay, I didn't have es-ee-ex in one year. I know (staring at the ground) I know...I know. Don't feel sorry for me just yet, the seal is finally broken, frustration won.

I have been unattached for 3 years because of my dream volunteer trip. More than half of the guys I dated wanted a committed relationship. Results: being a heartbreaker. I have never been dumped before and someone once told me that it will happen one day, everyone will know what it's like to have a broken heart (egh). I admit I have a fear of commitment, maybe from being hurt or falling in love. Either way, my purpose being in Asia is my boyfriend, my relationship, my love.

Now I'll share my actual love story. I met a guy over a month ago for 2 seconds at a music performance. Let's call him Smirnoff. I was with my friend Paul, after the show we were about to leave when Smirnoff came to talk to Paul. They were talking and I was standing near them, I saw him and there was something interesting. The way he spoke and how he glanced at me a few times, was HOT. Then Paul finally introduced us after their conversation, Smirnoff and I shook hands, and didn't take our eyes off each other until I turned around and left. I wanted to know what he was about but I walked away (damn!). I woke up the next morning thinking about him, in my mind I was like 'oh well, never going to see him again.' I told another friend (Hi Cheeky!) that I saw a cute guy the night before, she asked me to describe him and what his name was. It turns out that he's HER EX-BOYFRIEND! Good thing that conversation was all through instant messaging, she didn't get to see my mortified face! I apologized profusely, I felt so dirty, and almost Denise Richards. But she said it was all fine and they are good friends now, she actually messaged him that I was interested and gave him my mobile number. I was back in high school all of a sudden. So he met up with me at a coffee shop where I was working, it was really awkward because it felt like we were forced to meet up. The meeting went fine, but I felt like nothing was there, and as he was leaving, he stuck out his hand for a handshake....a handshake! That hurt my ego.

I didn't talk to him for a week and I was surprised to receive his text before the weekend. We met up and hung out in the afternoon. He's a smart man, very mature, and very interesting. I was intrigued by him, it kept me wanting to talk to him more. We got into a deep conversation about what we wanted in the next few months. I was going to do my own thing and follow where my next job will be. It can be in Laos, middle of Vietnam, or Saigon, wherever. He was going to Danang (middle Vietnam) and continue teaching English. I thought there and then, that we were on the same page; it will never work out, what's the point? (I was not going to adjust my plans for anyone).

We continued to see each other, not much though, he and I were very busy, especially him. Anyhow, I'm a 'go with the flow' type of dater. But Smirnoff...was committed to having me, he moved quickly, physically and mentally (I was not). He told me to run away with him to Danang (whoa). When he said that, I think I did the whole nervous chuckle and fake smile, did he think I was The One for him or something? He kept telling me how beautiful I was, the perfect type of woman for him, etc. It freaked me out. I'm not a girly girl, I think like a guy. I'm always the guy in the relationship, my past 2 serious relationships I was the one that wanted to avoid being serious, the one to be yelled at for not 'appreciating' or showing enough 'affection.' I got bitched at a lot and I was always like 'oh my god, shut up, stop complaining!' I'm not going to change, possibly someday someone can change that (pffff). So yeah, it was too soon for me to hear all that. It was hard for me to believe what he was saying because we didn't know each other. I didn't feel the same, he managed to convince me that he knew me and what I was all about, but I didn't know him.

If he slowed down...a lot, it would have been great. But friday night at dinner I told him that I didn't think I could handle having a partner right now. (I think I said it too bluntly, I know I need to work on the way I speak my words, it always sounds too harsh). He playfully threw his crumbled napkin at me and said he hated me. It was hard looking into his silent smiling eyes. We ended the night (Vietnam's Liberation Holiday) with a walk around a park, watching fireworks, deep conversing, and smooching. I couldn't stop thinking that he would have adjusted his plans for me, he would have moved to wherever I was going. I wasn't ready for that. I thought that if I was able to have a serious relationship, the guy would have to be doing what I was doing (volunteer, expat, etc.), someone who understands and respects my priorities. Smirnoff was doing that, he can teach English wherever he wants, apparently I couldn't hack it. He came over the next morning and brought me a gift. He got me a bottled beer (aww, he knew I liked beer) and a small sketch book, with a coal pencil and eraser. I was surprised by the gift. I rejected him and he gave me gift. Guilty much? Same day, that afternoon, I received a text that he was okay with having a friendship and not continuing any further. I appreciate him taking this maturely and not dramatically. Sometimes I feel like I do want to be with him, but if my feelings or attraction aren't moving deeper, then I'm just wasting both of our times. Or maybe my dreams and goals are preventing me from having a partner. That's okay I guess.

Chasing Dreams.

'I can't fight this feeling anymore' by Reo Speedwagon is literally playing inside the cafe as I'm writing this, no joke, and no it's not Smirnoff holding up a boombox over his head.