I won't lose my way

I didn't think this feeling would come so quickly.  Lately I've noticed I have become much moodier.   I am about to get my period soon so maybe that could be the reason why I'm moody, but I think it's due to my realization that I will be leaving Vietnam soon.

I don't know when!  But I know soon, I'm already planning on exactly where I want to go and I'm waiting for both my mind and heart to be like "Yeah Steph!  You got this, pack up your shit and go!"  I won't mention my potential destinations.  Most people can agree that it's a depressing feeling when you leave or someone you care about leaves.  I've said Goodbye to soooo many people during this trip that it gets harder and harder for me to deal with, which explains the moodiness.  However, I know by the time I am ready to go, I will be in better spirits, cause I'd be looking forward to the challenges that awaits me.

My students at school help me a lot and they always make me smile.  It's nice to 'not know' my plans and go with the flow, which is what I have been doing this whole time.  However, I still prefer to be in control on what I want.  I have many choices and I haven't been able to choose, that bothers me.  Normally, I just know and it clicks in my brain; Nepal!  India!  Vietnam!  -sigh- we'll see what happens.

I called my school loans company today to renew a forbearance on my account.  I owe $35,500.00.  (I went to a private art school!)  I had an interesting chat with the representative:

Do you work more than 30 hours a week?  No
Do you plan on getting a full-time job within the next month? Nope
Sometime this year perhaps? Nope
So...when do you think you will pay for your next payment?  Uhh...not for a...while. 
How long would you like continue the forbearance?  What's my limit?
Likely 2 more years.  Perfect.
May I ask...what are you doing?  Taking a long needed break.
Good for you.  (I hope he meant it)

big wang, little wang

My brother is coming to Vietnam! Meaning: party time. So that means: it's gonna get messy.

Brian visited me in India (<--click for blog from India) exactly a year ago, good times.

This time we have a few missions to complete: Artwork being done, Halong Bay, getting wasted (obviously), and his wisdom teeth pulled.

Apparently it costs $1,500-$2,000 get a single wisdom tooth pulled, without dental insurance. Here in Vietnam, it costs $50.

This time I won't cry!

drinking rum from India, very very very messy night.

Valentine's Day

This holiday is stupid. STUPID. I love being anti-everything. It's not like I'd be kissing anyone, but my lips ballooned cause of a mysterious allergy. Looks like I got a bad lip operation. My upper lip is so big that I can see it when I look down. I wish my entire mouth swelled up, so then it would at least look sexy?

mwah

Song of the day

Laos Part.2

Gong xi fat chai! Chuc mung nam moi! Happy Chinese & Vietnamese Lunar Year everyone!

For these holidays I went to Laos for 10 days. My housemates Vikki and Chris (England) and I took a sleeper bus to Vientiane, let's just say it didn't start off well.

A week and a half before we left I told Chris to get the bus tickets, and pressured him to reassure the travel agent that the buses had to be SLEEPING, not sitting. Because I've had many experiences where the travel agent would say one thing and you end up getting something completely different and ripped off. Plus, I traveled to Laos with a regular bus before, and it was not a pleasant journey. After asking the travel agent 20 million times that it was a sleeper bus, we were convinced that we got it. We arrived at the bus station and followed a guide to the Luang Prabang bus. When we got to the bus, it didn't look sleeper from the outside. I walked into the bus and saw it was all sitting chairs and cramped with people. HELL NAW! I went crazy. Vikki and Chris said I went 'American,' and let me deal with the situation. I immediately called the travel agent and told her what happened and that she'd better fix it and give us the right bus...or else. (I didn't know what the 'else' would have been, but I had to make a threat somehow). Turns out, the guide that lured us to the bus was just a random guy trying to get people to fill his bus, so we found the right bus driver and got on a sleeper bus.

We didn't sleep well but the ride wasn't that bad, good thing Chris had some ganja and we smoked a spliff before we left. We got to Vientiane and we were supposed to get on another bus to Luang Prabang. The bus driver gave me photo copied letter explaining that there wasn't a bus to Luang Prabang and the driver gave me 400k dong. So we got screwed, they knew there wasn't a bus to LP the whole time! Chris advised me to go back to the travel agency in Hanoi and go 'American' again to get the rest of our money back. (I don't think we'll get the money back but I'm definitely not going to let them get away with it without some of my ghetto fabulous holleration). Anyways, I decided that we should just stay the night in Vientiane and get drunk, just to get over the fact that we got screwed and we should have fun.

The next day we took a bus to Vang Vieng, I hated Vang Vieng the first time I visited, but it was Vikki's and Chris's first time. Of course, drunk 18 year-old Aussies running around half naked in the middle of a beautiful town. Every cafe showing episodes of Friends and Family Guy. Just so sad. When we got there we explored and climbed into caves. On our way back we found friends of mine from Hanoi, Ashley (American) and a couple that I teach with, Rachel and David (England). We met up for dinner and decided that the only way to get through Vang Vieng was to get drunk, we drank lots of beers and mixed buckets and went to check out a seedy bar. From the outside I was quite nervous going inside, it was all drunk kids running around. Vikki and I went to the bathroom and I was practically sexually assaulted by a good looking Spaniard. He kept asking to 'kiss me between the eyes,' he even tried to lean in, I covered my mouth and playfully walked out. That was just 20 seconds after walking into the bar! After that Vikki and I turned away a few guys trying to get lucky, basically we don't give them attention and then they move on to another girl over and over. I think it's okay for travellers to want this kind of partying, but Vikki, Chris and I just got back from Koh Phi Phi in Thailand a few weeks before and we were done with the whole partying scene.

climbing through caves.

The next morning was gray and cold, no sun! But we planned on tubing in a cave, kayaking, and jump swinging. The water was freezing cold but we had to get into the tubes. I tried not to make any whining noises getting into the water, but it was so cold I yelped "Ohhh, my...mo-ther!" I wanted to say motherfucker, but the fucker didn't follow as the freezing water was hitting my bones. So everyone was laughing at me on my random scream for mom. On our way out the sun appeared, finally all of us were in better moods.

We went to the river and settled our kayaks. There was barely any water so there weren't any rapids, but it was calm enough to pay attention to the scenery. We stopped in the middle to get beers and jump off the cliff swings. To be on the safe side, many people jump off and swing back and forth a few times before falling into the water. Me on the other hand, didn't see any demonstrations, so I went first and released on the first go, luckily I landed perfectly in and not on my ass or face. Unlucky, Vikki...released way to early and landed on her ass. (I promised her I wouldn't upload the video) But it was hilarious! The best and funniest moments of our trip. We were so tired from the day tour that we crashed at 10pm, on our way into the guesthouse, all the kids were walking out to begin the night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7vjyQwV8zc

kayaking

Luang Prabang, LOVE IT. I love love love love love love love it. It's mellow, chill, relaxing, no car honking. And it was sunny! Loved it. I must say it changed my options on what I want to do after Vietnam. I wouldn't mind at all going back to northern Laos and see what opportunities are available. First night, we met up with John (Australia), Von (American), and Loic (Belgium) from Hanoi and we watched the sunset and had a bon fire. We hit up a bar called Utopia and was very chilled out, it was by the river and even had a volleyball court! I wanted to play so bad but felt uncomfortable going by myself.

a monk checking me out.

Next day, we all took a tuk tuk to the waterfalls. The park was okay, but too many tourists, it was crowded and the waterfall was just okay, I've seen better. We were able to swim and swing off from trees, so that was fun, once again cold water. After that I developed a cold and cough.

waterfall swimming

John, Von, and Loic left to Vang Vieng, and we stayed in Luang Prabang. We found Rachel, David, Ashley and friends, and we brought them to the bon fire sunset location to drink beer and relax. We all had dinner together and went out drinking. Vikki and I met up with Rachel and David at a bar and talked the whole night, Rachel and David left and Vikki and I adopted a group of guys and hung out with them.

Last day it was just relaxation before our night bus back to Vientiane for the flight back to Hanoi. Overall the trip was exactly what we needed. Relaxation and Sun. We were like old people; drinking tea, fruit shakes, and going to bed at 11pm. It was a good sunny break during winter.

There's a limit to MY love

I had a very deep and intriguing conversation about love with someone I barely know. He spoke about his past experiences and I told him I had none, other than the ones that were superficial. He told me "You're the most guarded person I have ever met."

"Thanks!" I said back.

He referred me a song by Feist "Limit to your love." I know this song but never paid attention to all the verses. He said "I bet more than 5 guys in your life felt this way about you." I went home and looked up the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36SwnItlU4M

Clouds part
Just to give us a little sun

There’s a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There’s a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love

There’s a limit to your care
So carelessly there
Is it truth or dare
There’s a limit to your care

Love love love
This dream of going upstream
Love love love
The trouble that you give me
I know I know I know
That only I can save me
I go I go I go
Right down the road

There’s a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There’s a limit to your love
Your love your love your love

I can’t read your smile
It should be written on your face
I’m piecing it together
There’s something out of place
Oh

Love love love
This dream of going upstream
Love love love
All the trouble that you give me
I know I know I know
That only I can save me
I go I go I go
Out on the road

Because there is no limit
There’s no limit
No limit no limit no limit
Limit to my love

Humble Visit in Ba Vi

Last week I visited an orphanage in Ba Vi, 2 hours away from center of Hanoi. My colleagues and I went to support them by donating food and clothes. Also to take photographs for East Meets West new website, funding for people with disability in Vietnam.

The orphanage is supported by Three Trees organization and most of the children are orphans, and disabled, the orphanage also supports homeless elders. I'd say there were about 40 children, 25 of them were no older than 5 years old. There were many infants with disabilities. This orphanage definitely needed some funding for the building, it looked cold and damp. The sad thing is (and I feel bad saying it but it's true): the rooms where the infants were kept, smelled like an animal shelter. Everything was very clean but the smell...was unbearable. So it was difficult for me to see the children living in those conditions, but it was all they had. There are diligent people trying so hard to support those children, but more and more, each day or week, a newborn is dropped on their doorstep. So sad what they go through.

Phuong

I befriended a boy named Phuong. He looks 7 years old but because of his disease, he's really 15 years old. He still goes to school and has managed to balance finishing school and being the big brother of the orphanage. He doesn't look Vietnamese, he actually looks like he's from Eastern Russia. Anyways, he's a sweet boy and I trusted him to capture photos with my camera. There was also a 17 year old girl, she only has 3 fingers, and can play the piano. She learned how to play by ear, by using a donated electric piano.

I wanted to volunteer at the orphanage once a week, to do Arts & Crafts with them. But couldn't because I don't have any free time! It was nice to finally visit the orphanage and understand their struggles. I hope through our research and resources, we can help them more financially and emotionally.

I left the place feeling calm and thoughtful, and when I look through the photos in my camera, I can't control myself by smiling or frowning. That's what happens when you see places like those with your own eyes, you feel the happiness from them when you arrive, and you feel their sadness when you leave.

Saying Goodbye gets harder and harder for me.